part two ... renato tries to take care of albin

Bartender enters: Bonjour, Monsieur Renato ! Bonjour Albin !



















Renato: Bonjour Marcel ! Two teas with milk, and some biscottes ?


Bartender, staring at Albin: What’s wrong with him ?


Renato: Oh nothing. He’s just overtired.


Bartender: Don’t you want to lie down ?


Renato: No, he’ll be fine after a cup of tea.

Albin: ( just as the bar tender is going out of the door ) … Salt-free biscottes ! ... Well, what are we going to do about tonight?


Renato: Quite a problem. Two men like us ... what can we tell them?



















Renato soaks a table napkin in the drinking water and uses it with great tenderness to cool Albin’s throat, and then his forehead.

Albin: Thank you, Darling. That feels good on my throat. Well, what could we tell them ? Maybe I could be ... I don't know ... a relative. His uncle, perhaps? Couldn’t you say I'm his uncle ? …

Renato: No !

Albin: All right, I know I don’t look like an uncle. But you’re not home and dry, either. In any case, you don't resemble your character either. Didn't Laurent say you were a cultural attaché?

Renato: Yes ! So ?

Albin: Cultural attaché ! Hah ! You don't know what culture is! Oh, la la ! We’re not out of the woods yet ! Hah !

part three ... the partners have very different table manners

Bartender, re-entering with a tray: Here it is, tea and toast. Feeling better?

There is a silence whilst Albin pours their tea in a lady like way; a silence broken when Renato noisily stuffs a whole biscotte into his mouth, using his fingers to jab home the last third.

Albin: Yes ! Oh, la la ! Cultural attaché ? Hah ! You have a unique way of eating, rather like a mechanical digger.

Albin stirs his tea.

Renato: Your little finger. What's it doing up in the air? Just look at it.

Albin: So ? Its got a mind of it’s own.

Renato: You'll say that to the Deputy tonight, huh? Well, let's try to make a man out of this “uncle”. You have to learn how to hold things. Watch ! Hold the toast in a manly way, like this. Spread the butter with a little virility … and watch your little finger when you drink your tea. Go on ! ( Smacking his bottom ) But first, sit up like a man !

Albin: (whimpering ) What have I done now ?

Renato: ( almost aggressively ) Please, don't whine every time I correct you. It’s for your own good ! Listen ! I want you to be presentable tonight.

Albin: ( submissively ) Yes, of course, thankyou !

part four ... a serious discussion of gender etiquette

Renato: Good, now butter your toast. Butter it like a man. Don't be afraid. That's the way! This is the Biscotte of a Man.

( The biscotte breaks and flies across the table )

Renato: You're doing it on purpose! You’ve got it in for me ! Now take another one and try again.



















Albin: ( Whimpering continuously ) I'll never get it. Never.

Renato: Don't whine, please, don't whine! Now hold this piece firmly in your hand, steadily and confidently ... an iron fist in a velvet glove. Like a man. With a strong hand, understand? Like a real man! That’s right ! Now for something more difficult. A little jam ? Yes, take the spoon.



















Albin: The teaspoon?

Renato: No, not like that! What are you doing ? It looks like you’re ringing a little bell ! It’s just a spoon ! It's only a spoon. Hold it without quivering, firmly ! Understand?

Albin: You have something against me.

The toast breaks and goes flying again,

Renato: You’re doing it again ! If you want to kill me, aim between the eyes !

Albin: I'll never get it. I've broken the toast again.



















Renato: Yes, It's broken. It’s a disaster. The important thing is to know how to respond as a MAN ! Do you understand?

Albin: I understand. You're right.

Renato: You have to say to yourself, calmly... "Albin, so you made a mistake. It isn’t the end of the World. There’s no harm done. You can try again." Force yourself. Take another biscotte. Here ...



















Renato lifts his own teacup, and his own little finger waggles exactly as did Albin’s.

Albin: You're right. In the end, it's not serious. After all, I still have more biscottes. And then …. Oh ! Be careful with your little finger !

part five ... renato shows albin how to walk the john wayne walk

Renato: ( using his right hand to press down his errant little finger ) It does it by itself. Enough ! Blow your nose. We’re going home.



















Albin: Wait ! Wait ! I need to freshen up.

Albin hesitantly walks, minces, flutters towards the door of the bar in search of the toilets.

Renato: No ! No ! No !

Albin returns to Renato’s side.

Albin: What have I done now?

Renato: What kind of walk is that?

Albin: What's the matter with it?

Renato: Mince like that tonight and we're ruined.

Albin: What am I going to do ?

Renato: Come here.

Albin: What do you want?

Renato: Try to walk like John Wayne.

Albin: The cowboy?

Renato: Yes, John Wayne. Gets off your horse, walk towards the saloon, and send the doors flying ! Try it.

Albin: I have to be John Wayne? Here I go.

Minces again.

Renato: ( As Albin flings open the bar doors ) That's Miss John Wayne !



















There is a most exquisite irony here because the score for this film is by Ennio Morricone, who also did the music for the Sergio Leone “spaghetti westerns”. Just a few wisps of that wild west saloon sound & a couple of piano chords in the same style set the mood for a confrontation …

Voice from the bar; ( mimicking an effeminate lisp in a not unfriendly way, but difficult to translate )

Alors pédé ! ( which maybe translates as … Hey, fag ! )


Albin: ( returning to their table ) Someone just called me a fag.

Renato, throws down his napkin, rolls up his sleeves & parodies the John Wayne swagger in an even more exaggerated way as he approaches the smallest man at the bar …

Albin: And now he shows me …

part six ... hubris a la john wayne ... and redemption

Renato: Did you call my friend a fag?



The smallest man confidently shakes his head in denial,






















and then jerks his thumb, indicating the huge man standing right behind him …





















... and we avert our gaze from the ensuing violence

she's taking her debit card to brighton for the afternoon

fifty-eight today ! hip hip hooray !

he is not dead

steve travers ... freightmaster and collector of garden buddhas

by the road to glyndebourne

george collinson ... like john wayne, only smarter

stormy weather ... one of my favourites

in stormy weather, lena horne and bill robinson make an unlikely couple, but who can complain after twenty numbers in seventy-something minutes ?

... they meet some unforgettable people on the way ...

... before she discovers that absence makes the heart grow fonder ...

... and finally sees the error of her ways ...

... and they all live happily ever after !

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stormy_Weather_%281943_film%29

eltham palace ... amazing what you can do with a few millions

Combining Art Deco and ocean liner style, Eltham Palace is a stunning masterpiece of twentieth-century design. Textile magnates Stephen and Virginia Courtauld built their glamorous London showpiece in 1936, next to the remains of a medieval royal palace which was originally Henry VIII’s boyhood home. The dining room features pink leather upholstered chairs and black-and-silver doors, portraying animals and birds from London Zoo. The Courtaulds’ home movie is another delight, showing them relaxing with their pet lemur. Discover many enticing features in the nineteen acres of surrounding gardens, including a sunken rose garden and medieval bridge ... it sez on the english heritage web site. The entrance to the house is a wonderful conception, with a three sided hall linking wings of the house that were offest by more than ninety degrees, doors and staircases carefully aligned to give long views through grand spaces, etc, etc. beneath a dome studded with what appear to be hundreds of lenses to bring down lots of daylight.

henry the seventh's lady chapel at westminster abbey ... infested with lions, dogs, and gryphons

do sailors still sing shanties ?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sea_shanty

the quality of mercy ...

The quality of mercy is not strained.

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes

The throned monarch better than his crown.

His scepter shows the force of temporal power,

The attribute to awe and majesty,

Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.

But mercy is above this sceptered sway;

It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;

It is an attribute of God himself;

And earthly power doth then show like God's

When mercy seasons justice.

westminster baths

windershoppin ... in the seedy backstreets of westminster

i'm still trying for the complete set of sculptures on vauxhall bridge

i need a longer lens




















science ?




















local government ?

a deterring ultimatum at hartfield in pooh country