Thursday, September 22, 2005

dear diary ...

04.15 am - ish

am narrowly missed by three drivers in near collisions at succesive T-junctions as i cycle towards nine elms ... glad to be alive !

08.15 am

arriving in kent, slip while stepping out of cab and fall backwards from truck onto concrete but effortlessly achieve optimal landing on both buttocks and both shoulderblades simultaneously ... followed closely by back of skull

emit roar expressing mixture of shock, pain, and embarrasment ... energised with fear of permanent injury and inability to pay the rent

one second later realise that i am still lucid and nothing is broken

concrete apparently undamaged, kentish onlookers mildly amused, and i am mighty pleased to be alive

recovery fuelled by huge rush of adrenalin

11.00 am

as adrenalin rush subsides, buy bacon lettuce tomato and mayonnaise sandwich from a spotlessly clean road-side stall outside tonbridge

theatrically, whilst i wait, an inspector enters the stall uninvited, wearing a white coat and bearing a clipboard

watching the proceedings he enquires of the pretty lady with the "philadelphia cheese" accent, "have you washed that lettuce ?", to which she rarther candidly replies, "i've never washed a lettuce in my life ! ... i just trim off the outsides !"

17.00 pm

arriving home, discover that the girl at the supermarket checkout where i bought my spring onions has "generously" over-changed me by five pounds

18.00 pm

whilst reading today's wiltshire gazette on-line, discover that school-hating fourteen year old nephew tom has been sectioned after a foolhardy encounter with cheap drugs

my brother argues that young drug abusers shouldn't be protected and thus encouraged by confidentiality

there but for fortune go you or i

18.30 pm

check last night's national lottery results and am now a further ten pounds richer !

and so to bed ...