Friday, March 30, 2007

advanced diagnosis exercises

Q At what point might the patient first have questioned his own sanity ?

A The patient, X, was seen cooking some expensive pork sausages on a Friday evening.

He was then observed searching his fridge for HP Sauce.

Finding none, he was heard speaking in a re-assuring tone, although no one else was present, uttering the words,

"I suppose a little Branston Pickle never did any one any harm !"

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

does garlic have an extensive psychopharmacological literature, major tom ?

passing battersea power station on the way to work ... a thought occurred ...

might it be possible, if the developers aren't in any hurry, for wandsworth to compulsorily re-possess this site at the ridiculous price they sold it for and to devote it to public housing ?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

the price of fish

waiting in the line at john's mobile fish stall in the village of horsted keynes last friday morning
sez little old well-heeled lady, a poor imitation of the queen's lady-in-waiting ... "i'll have blah blah blah, please ... er, um, is it expensive ?"
sez wheezy old cockney john, voice deeper than the northern line, a sweet man who should have retired fifteen years ago ... "all my fish is expensive madam, because i only buy the best !"
and he does !

sussex before sunrise

Monday, March 26, 2007

sparrers carnt sing

a couple of weeks ago we were driving around the north terminal at gatwick and we were late for check-in

avis had forgotten to say that their north terminal car rental base no longer exists

trying not to panic after three fruitless circuits, we were back in a lengthening queue at a manic roundabout

from the corner of my eye & through the open window, i saw, on the verge, in a tiny triangle of verdure, a little brown bird that crouched and glared at me, almost close enough to touch, whilst pure & penetrating music gushed from his throat

not a sparrow, but a skylark !

what better omen for the start of a memorable holiday ?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007