of the seven deadly sins, the eighth and worst by far is emotional blackmail ... the diligent practise of this subtle and ancient art creates a constantly evolving darwinistic moral vacuum in which the brightest new manipulative ideas and stratagems flourish ... and which only you, or i, can fill !
Monday, February 21, 2005
lisbon is lovely
those little trams are cute & the 28 tram ride was the most exciting thing since the roller coaster at new york, new york on the strip in las vegas
the people are lovely & the food was great, especially that "killer" bread soup with garlic & coriander that etches your tastebuds & makes the wine taste so much sweeter
but our poor feet ached from walking miles on rough cobbles in unusually cold weather
the people are lovely & the food was great, especially that "killer" bread soup with garlic & coriander that etches your tastebuds & makes the wine taste so much sweeter
but our poor feet ached from walking miles on rough cobbles in unusually cold weather
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
whoa, were going to lisboa
flying out on thursday, back in time for a sunday crumpet,
where shall we eat ? any ideas ?
where shall we eat ? any ideas ?
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
post valentine appraisal time
we were drunk, but not terribly
she was reading aloud from the travel section ...
she wanted to tell me how cheap it is to get married in las vegas
maybe next valentine's day ...
she was reading aloud from the travel section ...
she wanted to tell me how cheap it is to get married in las vegas
maybe next valentine's day ...
mystery pillar at chichester
sorry about this picture, it was hand-held at some distance
i was delivering cheese in chichester, as you do, when i spotted it around the back of the signal box to the west of the station
does any one know if it has a history ?
i was delivering cheese in chichester, as you do, when i spotted it around the back of the signal box to the west of the station
does any one know if it has a history ?
Monday, February 14, 2005
the putney debates
i cycle past this church every morning about ten past five
is this the same one where the first real public debate in England about the rights & obligations of people in a modern society took place ?
if you won't tell me, i'll be forced to do some more research ! ... and take a better photograph !
is this the same one where the first real public debate in England about the rights & obligations of people in a modern society took place ?
if you won't tell me, i'll be forced to do some more research ! ... and take a better photograph !
redheads in sevenoaks
they told me there were some gorgeous redheads around sevenoaks
so it seems ... see above !
still, some of my friends prefer dumb cuddly animals
so it seems ... see above !
still, some of my friends prefer dumb cuddly animals
valentine's day
having remembered the day for once, i cycled off from putney towards nine elms, pointing my smug grin into the freezing wind & popping in to my favourite paper shop, not far from the battersea dogs home
an odd-couple of long-since overgrown school kids, hopelessly addicted to laughter, hang out there in the early hours, & he'd forgotten the formalities occasioned by the calendar
from what she was telling him, as i was leaving carrying my guardian & peppermints, this may the last chance anyone might get to see him in public for some considerable time ...
an odd-couple of long-since overgrown school kids, hopelessly addicted to laughter, hang out there in the early hours, & he'd forgotten the formalities occasioned by the calendar
from what she was telling him, as i was leaving carrying my guardian & peppermints, this may the last chance anyone might get to see him in public for some considerable time ...
Sunday, February 13, 2005
prism
i bought this prism twenty years ago in a junk shop in malmesbury
the shop was run by a great character called john kadwell
no-one has explained what the prism was designed for
can you ?
im afraid the background is a little disturbing
the shop was run by a great character called john kadwell
no-one has explained what the prism was designed for
can you ?
im afraid the background is a little disturbing
Saturday, February 12, 2005
the nicest kind of journey
i took a train to wiltshire where my daughter ellen rose cooked a real good lunch & presented me with a fine porcelain bluebird
here they are
here they are
the trumpeter colin berry
... i got on a train & he was practising in the corridor ... honestly !
you'll never hear sweeter notes !
you'll never hear sweeter notes !
Thursday, February 10, 2005
cognitive dissonance or do i mean semiotics ?
the tiny emblem on the tate and lyle treacle tin has more than one way of looking at us
i always imagined it showed a sleeping lion surrounded by buzzing bees after he'd eaten the treacle
however, my lovely spanish friend laura says she thinks it is a dead lion surrounded by buzzing flies
i always imagined it showed a sleeping lion surrounded by buzzing bees after he'd eaten the treacle
having been born under a sweet sign, myself, i wanted to adopt the image as an emblem
however, my lovely spanish friend laura says she thinks it is a dead lion surrounded by buzzing flies
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Dear Linda,
Dear Linda,
Having just cycled home from a very hard day at work, followed by an especially materialistic diversion to Sloane Square, ( the sordid details will follow lower down this page ), nature was taking it’s usual course & I was absolutely bursting, but / &, your letter was laying irresistible & inviting upon the door mat & so I read it with instinctive urgency upon the toilet, thus experiencing two incomparable & simultaneously synergistically energising pleasures; truly, O Wise One, the best things in life are free ! And before you ask;
a) there were 88 words in the first sentence, and
b) I tend to use my right hand for just about everything.
At Sloane Square in Chelsea there stands one of this noble country’s greatest monuments to what Saint Karl Marx called the cult of Commodity Fetishism, the Peter Jones department store.
On Friday afternoon I went there furtively to buy … an Olympus C70-Zoom, I'll put in a picture when I learn how ! ( see above )
Yes, Mother-Superior, absolve me whilst I confess that I have mortally transgressed & have abused my sacred credit card big time ! Now don’t point that pretty finger this way, or even waggle it that way ! The very last straw that drove me to the brink of insanity was when you mentioned a yearning to take some pictures, so it’s mostly if not absolutely all your fault & I can still make an effort to sound almost reasonable when I refute any suggestion that I might have been greedy & / or materialistic; I’m just a silly & suggestible soft touch ! Now, all because of your damned intrusion into my sanity, I’m going to have to spend hours reading the manual because digital cameras are not half so simple as good old fashioned film cameras. Amazingly, you only get a little instruction manual in the box, because the proper one comes on a compact disc, all 190 pages of it, as does the software for downloading & then filing & editing the pictures that you want to put into your computer. I’ll just leave off from writing here for a few moments ( hours ! ) to see if I can master that basic task. Perhaps I’ll go out for a little while & actually take a few pictures ! After all, why else should I want to own a bicycle ? // This morning I woke with a shout from an all too vivid dream. I was walking along a dockside, wearing a grey suit, bare footed, & carrying a pointed shovel, when a gust of wind carried me off, away from land & higher & then higher. Looking down, I realized that the water was too shallow for me to survive a fall, which was when I cried out so loudly for “HELP !” At least I didn’t bang my forehead on the wall this time ! // STOP PRESS ! The Loved One & I have booked a flight & three nights in a four-star hotel in Lisbon, flying out on the 17th February. She is already knee-deep in guidebooks. If you have already been there, do feel free to make suggestions about cheap thrills. I’m going to stop now & catch up on domestic duties.
XXX each from Tristan
Having just cycled home from a very hard day at work, followed by an especially materialistic diversion to Sloane Square, ( the sordid details will follow lower down this page ), nature was taking it’s usual course & I was absolutely bursting, but / &, your letter was laying irresistible & inviting upon the door mat & so I read it with instinctive urgency upon the toilet, thus experiencing two incomparable & simultaneously synergistically energising pleasures; truly, O Wise One, the best things in life are free ! And before you ask;
a) there were 88 words in the first sentence, and
b) I tend to use my right hand for just about everything.
At Sloane Square in Chelsea there stands one of this noble country’s greatest monuments to what Saint Karl Marx called the cult of Commodity Fetishism, the Peter Jones department store.
On Friday afternoon I went there furtively to buy … an Olympus C70-Zoom, I'll put in a picture when I learn how ! ( see above )
Yes, Mother-Superior, absolve me whilst I confess that I have mortally transgressed & have abused my sacred credit card big time ! Now don’t point that pretty finger this way, or even waggle it that way ! The very last straw that drove me to the brink of insanity was when you mentioned a yearning to take some pictures, so it’s mostly if not absolutely all your fault & I can still make an effort to sound almost reasonable when I refute any suggestion that I might have been greedy & / or materialistic; I’m just a silly & suggestible soft touch ! Now, all because of your damned intrusion into my sanity, I’m going to have to spend hours reading the manual because digital cameras are not half so simple as good old fashioned film cameras. Amazingly, you only get a little instruction manual in the box, because the proper one comes on a compact disc, all 190 pages of it, as does the software for downloading & then filing & editing the pictures that you want to put into your computer. I’ll just leave off from writing here for a few moments ( hours ! ) to see if I can master that basic task. Perhaps I’ll go out for a little while & actually take a few pictures ! After all, why else should I want to own a bicycle ? // This morning I woke with a shout from an all too vivid dream. I was walking along a dockside, wearing a grey suit, bare footed, & carrying a pointed shovel, when a gust of wind carried me off, away from land & higher & then higher. Looking down, I realized that the water was too shallow for me to survive a fall, which was when I cried out so loudly for “HELP !” At least I didn’t bang my forehead on the wall this time ! // STOP PRESS ! The Loved One & I have booked a flight & three nights in a four-star hotel in Lisbon, flying out on the 17th February. She is already knee-deep in guidebooks. If you have already been there, do feel free to make suggestions about cheap thrills. I’m going to stop now & catch up on domestic duties.
XXX each from Tristan
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
blow blow thou winter wind
one of this winter's new pleasures is cycling home in brilliant sunshine past battersea power station, with its attending yapping dogs home, along the riverbank in the park past the peace pagoda, infested with joggers, across the lovely albert bridge to the chelsea embankment, with its egyptian-throne style benches beseiged by house-boats, etc, etc
however, it seems that not everything in the loved-one's conciousness is fully illuminated ... i said that if she really loved me, then she'd have anticipated my imminent arrival & been waiting on the doorstep in her best underwear
she made no comment
then i found the thorntons oriental ginger chocolate bar she had left for me next to the keyboard
but if she really loved me, she'd have bought three, then remembered my weight problem, put one back, & brought home two ! Q.E.D!
however, it seems that not everything in the loved-one's conciousness is fully illuminated ... i said that if she really loved me, then she'd have anticipated my imminent arrival & been waiting on the doorstep in her best underwear
she made no comment
then i found the thorntons oriental ginger chocolate bar she had left for me next to the keyboard
but if she really loved me, she'd have bought three, then remembered my weight problem, put one back, & brought home two ! Q.E.D!
Monday, January 24, 2005
one way of maintaining contact
"If you knew how sensitive i am, you would have e-mailed me months ago !"
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Saturday at dawn, I suggested to The Loved One that she might be having difficulty getting to sleep at nights if she was trying to make a mental list my virtues.
She said that she had indeed struggled to get up from zero to one, but would possibly make it from one to two, if only I could
i) get out of bed right now
& ii) brew her a cup of Earl Grey.
She said that she had indeed struggled to get up from zero to one, but would possibly make it from one to two, if only I could
i) get out of bed right now
& ii) brew her a cup of Earl Grey.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
joe bialik says ...
the best two low-down dirty emotional blackmailers cliches he can think of, after a fine education, are:
"you've really let us ( the school, the headmaster, the staff, the caretaker & cleaners, society in general ) down rather badly"
and
"now look what you've gone & made me do"
which is probably out of the original laurel & hardy primer
"you've really let us ( the school, the headmaster, the staff, the caretaker & cleaners, society in general ) down rather badly"
and
"now look what you've gone & made me do"
which is probably out of the original laurel & hardy primer
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
day one between sneezes
"There are seven deadly sins ... & the eighth & worst is EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL"
I began our early conversation on Sunday morning, baking-hot beneath two duvets, before we had opened our eyes, with this gambit:
“If you really loved me, you’d have taken my bicycle before dawn, & cycled, still in your pyjamas, with a machete clenched between your teeth, to the tropical hot-house at Kew Gardens to shin up a palm tree & bring me a fresh coconut.”
The Loved One, obviously fully alert, but sounding very bored;
“I think I’ll have to eat those last two astonishingly delicious Anton Berg strawberry & champagne chocolates myself this morning.”
Myself, badly deflated by her expert counter-punching;
“You’ll miss me when I’ve joined the Foreign Legion.”
I began our early conversation on Sunday morning, baking-hot beneath two duvets, before we had opened our eyes, with this gambit:
“If you really loved me, you’d have taken my bicycle before dawn, & cycled, still in your pyjamas, with a machete clenched between your teeth, to the tropical hot-house at Kew Gardens to shin up a palm tree & bring me a fresh coconut.”
The Loved One, obviously fully alert, but sounding very bored;
“I think I’ll have to eat those last two astonishingly delicious Anton Berg strawberry & champagne chocolates myself this morning.”
Myself, badly deflated by her expert counter-punching;
“You’ll miss me when I’ve joined the Foreign Legion.”
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