theology ... back to the confession box

some time ago i wondered if some of the ritual of the church might be introduced into the great game in order to lend it some relevance to the spirituality of the crowd ... i wrote last year that ...


an idea that might improve the sublime spectacle that is professional soccer ... given david beckham's poor disciplinary record in the spanish league this season, and his imminent move to play in america, the question would inevitably recur ... "should football introduce sin-bins ?" ... the answer is clearly "yes & no" ... instead of a boring old bench where a vexed player might sit for a few minutes, we need a coin-operated touch-line X-box confessional booth ... linked to giant screens ... with virtual priests for ordinary league matches ... virtual bishops for the european cup ... virtual archbishops for the world cup ... players may only return to the fray when they have been thoroughly absolved ... the element of suspense as the sidelined players grapple with their conscience will lift the game to new levels of stress

etc etc

it seems to me now that i'd forgotten the element of penance ... not being a church-goer myself ... and that after the errant player ( honest ref, i never meant to cripple him ) has come to terms with the true nature of his offence, and has given the crowd the pleasure of hearing him in urgent discussion with a virtual bishop, then further amusement might be derived from the fixing of an appropriate penance before he ( or she ) is permitted to return to the fray

a sliding scale of penances involving larger than average communion wafers and tankards of wine might be appropriate

one giant biscuit and one tankard of wine for a professional foul

two of each for foul and abusive language

three of each for repeated offences

four of each for excessive violence

etc etc

perhaps elements of the sung liturgy might be adapted for chanting from the terraces

and perhaps some theologians amongst you could spare the time to offer me some helpful advice

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MYSELF

1. THE BOOK OF GUILT

Whilst driving, I once told a car full of colleagues that it would be an easy matter to fill and publish a book with accounts of two or even three hundred things I’d said and done of which I was still deeply ashamed.

A voice from the back seat said, “I wouldn’t go there, Tris; that way lies madness.”

2. FALLING INTO GRAIN

I was climbing to repair a ladder bolted to the inside of an industrial grain silo in Scotland when it became detached from the wall and tilted sharply away. Unable to adjust my grip on the sharp metal, I let go and dropped feet first from a height of about thirty feet, expecting to break both legs, if not worse.

The augur mechanism that emptied the silo from the bottom had been broken and there was still about twelve inches of grain laying in the inverted conical concrete base. My heels sank in to it and I found myself sitting upright in a cloud of brown dust, shocked but un-bruised, and laughing.

3. THE FEAR OF QUICKSANDS

Lurid moments in a Lassie film, in an Egyptian Mummy film, and in a Tarzan film, gave me an early terror of quick-sands that kept me away from marshy places for many years. Aged sixteen and bored, I hitch-hiked to the south coast one wintry Easter and walked along the sands at West Wittering as darkness fell.

The tide was far out and the land had faded in to the evening mist and I followed the water's edge for some time before doubts set in, and eventually a tiny sign on a post loomed out of the mist ... i could only read it when my nose was almost touching it ... it warned me to beware of quicksands.

4. THE THREE-POINT TURN

In Spain, I was enchanted by mountains, having grown up in the south of England where nothing rises above a thousand feet. I once tried to drive across the Sierra Nevada to the Alpujarras in late September but the old road had been blocked by early snow.

Instead, I tried to drive the old Ford Transit up the long ramp to the Astronomical Observatory, but halfway up the back wheels began to wander sideways in the slush. It became necessary to make a three point-turn on the narrow track and I became fearful of the edge which gives way to hundreds of feet of loose barren scree. My fearless companion stood in the snow in her summer dress yelling “Back a bit more !” but I was shouting hysterically, “I daren’t go back another inch !”

5. RUNNING ON MY TOES

I miss sprinting from the bottoms to the tops of the various stone stairways in my childhood home town of Malmesbury, and running on the hard wet sand at Studland when the tide is out.

6. THE MOON OVER ICELAND

Flying north-west over Iceland in early March, so nearly on the snowy top of the world, I looked down on a conical volcano with a clouded top, and then beyond it towards the northern horizon where a pale full moon loomed in the mid-day sky.

7. FAILING TO RECOGNIZE MY ONLY CHILD

After another journey to Spain, I put on a suit to visit my daughter on her birthday and travelled by train from Brighton to Bath. Outside the station, we failed to recognize one another, she so pale and gaunt, myself so brown and plump.

going up ...

gotcha

not much going on ... the quiet life

ashdown forest ... i still watch out for them whenever i drive that way

new every morning ...

the twenty-ninth of february passed uneventfully and i awoke on march the first with these words ... if you really loved me, there would be four bottles of stout and a jar of pickled onions besides my bed, always

that'll be sometime after i've moved out, she murmured

free eyesight tests

chelsea embankment marker post

boy and dolphin by david wynne

crosby hall

thomas carlyle lived 'ere

The Conflux of Eternities
Carlyle's expressive phrase for time, as in every moment of it a centre in which all the forces to and from eternity meet and unite, so that by no past and no future can we be brought nearer to Eternity than where we at any moment of Time are; the Present Time, the youngest born of Eternity, being the child and heir of all the Past times with their good and evil, and the parent of all the Future, the import of which (see Matt. xvi. 27) it is accordingly the first and most sacred duty of every successive age, and especially the leaders of it, to know and lay to heart as the only link by which Eternity lays hold of it and it of Eternity.

a souvenir from woolworths

tandridge yew in a better light ... wiv yeraveragebloke lending some scale

maria felix commissioned this necklace from cartier

what shall i wear when we go to madrid ? maybe jean gabin can give me some fashion tips ... the lady is maria felix

the driving force of the global economy ... after which i'll try never to return to this subject

i recently mentioned the spice trade

it is always difficult to comprehend large numbers and unseen quantities

but one should never risk losing one's perspective

which is why i maintain an on-screen shortcut to this website

http://www.defenseindustrydaily.com/

a confederacy of dunces ... arturo perez-reverte .v. tristan forward

what should i wear when we go to madrid ?

0639 17 02 2008