myself, when young

some first impressions

a) mystification at the shapes of the letters we were asked to copy with chalk onto a framed piece of slate

b) an inability of the infant mind to process the changed perspective of the world when i first travelled on top of a bus ... the flat fields appeared to spin, each turning in its turn

c) the distinct multiple echoes of footsteps crossing the square, especially of the coalman's hobnails, and of the hacks and hunters being taken to the vet

what's the plural of tempus fugit ?

walk this way ... at alpha ba lgw

although i always carry a black marker pen, it was impossible to decide on what to do with this head ... should i have inked-in the aerosmith bouffant or the run dmc homburg ?

Crime And Punishment

In last night's ultimate dream sequence I was back in Malmesbury, although you wouldn't have recognized it because it was more like the Appalachians in the nineteen-fifties.

I was trying to scratch a living as a local news photographer and had been told by my editor that the young Michelle Vater ( pictured ) had just got a job in the local police force and was busy arresting every villain in town, most of whom she had been on first name terms with since infancy.

But every time that I dashed to the scene of a crime, I was too late because she'd already subdued and handcuffed them, completed the paperwork, and sent them off to Devizes Prison, pending trial at the Assizes. There was no question of bail, and no possibility of an action photo.

more dithering at the V&A

the cafe at the V&A

V&A ... in the castings gallery ( i )

V&A ... in the castings gallery ( ii )

V&A ... eternal struggles in the castings gallery

british museum islamic arts ( i )

british museum ... islamic arts ( ii )

an assembly of 13mm fibre-reinforced concrete panels forming a pavilion in bedford square

to the woods !

one of our customers built their posh offices in the woods ... and in case you wondered, there is nothing like laying down among a bank of bluebells ... their perfume is delicate but sensational, and the smell of damp living earth is purely elemental

it's a bit like waxing your legs, owen ... only different

All but blind

In childhood we were advised to, “Try to see ourselves as others see us”, but it seems equally useful to try to see others as they see themselves … which somehow reminds me of a little verse by Walter De La Mare …

All but blind

In his chambered hole

Gropes for worms

The four-clawed Mole.



All but blind

In the evening sky

The hooded Bat

Twirls softly by.



All but blind

In the burning day

The Barn-Owl blunders

On her way.



And blind as are

These three to me,

So blind to someone

I must be.

i'm as drunk as a lord, but that's all right because i am a lord ...

Advice sent by the old philosopher to a young correspondent who wondered if there might be an alternative to The Ten Commandments ...

Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.

Do not think it worthwhile to produce belief by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.

Never try to discourage thinking, for you are sure to succeed.

When you meet with opposition, even if it is from your family, endeavour to overcome it with argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.

Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.

Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do, the opinions will suppress you.

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.

Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement, for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.

Be scrupulously truthful even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.

Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise, for only a fool will think that is happiness.

i told her straight ...

... that if she really loved me ...

... and if there had been an ounce of initiative in her, then in her spare time she could have dug a secret tunnel beneath the thames and up through the primeval clay in to the gilded glory of the chocolates vault at fortnum and mason

and then, perhaps, instead of frittering away more of my beer money on marriage guidance ...

outside the office of the marriage guidance counsellor

the classical origins of bart simpson's dance technique